Alright so Zombieland…. its post apocalyptic and FUNNY!

So the story goes that zombie zero ate a bad burger at a gas station or sumtn and thats how he got infected….stupid yes but who cares. This movie is not about a cure but surviving. Thats how any movie is really. So we follow the only 4 humans left who run into each other by chance.

Imma say the movie is funny and entertaining. I wished it was longer but it was a fun time.

The movie is rated R so you see all the kills and they are good ones too. I just dont get a few things like why they would go to an amusement park in LA thinking there would be no Zombies there and how they got on and off the rides…..

Honestly i really dont know what else to say. It was fun and entertaining. The kills were good and the movie was funny. Id say go see it.

Paranormal Activity

REQUEST IT IN YOUR AREA…….BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!

BULL SHIT!!!!

This movie fucken sucks! Terrible, horrible…. ugh and i saw it at Arc Light so I blew $25 on two tickets…..

Ok so the whole thing about this movie is that its a documentary. ITS NOT. ITS NOT REAL. They sell it as a Blair Witch thing and it really isnt. This actually came out 2 years ago. Its on DVD somewhere. But ya they try to play it off with terrible editing to make it look like camera cuts and then they dont have any credits….and well it was shaky as hell…made my head hurt.

scariest movie in a long time? pssshhh…ok maybe but not really. I say that just bc all “horror” movies in the last decade are like SAW and rely on gore.

It also wasnt scary…. ever see Ghost Hunters on Sci Fi? Its like that only waaaaay shakier and faker.

So essentially a couple is being haunted by a demon and it gets pissed off when the boyfriend tries to figure out whats going on when he decides to video tape everything. So shit happens every night when they sleep and its caught on tape…. its mainly shit that is heard in another room or when they are awake something happens off camera and well its stupid.

Dont request this and dont waste your money.

-reviewed by

Albert

Times are tough, money is tight, and entertainment isn’t free. Oh wait yes it is! You know those guys walking around campus usually around the bookstore handing out free movie tickets? They are legit. Take the free movie tickets. They are for movie screeners and if you show up on time and cant get into the screener you almost always get a free ticket for you and a guest to any movie not premiering that weekend.

From the directors and producers of CRANK comes GAMER, a movie set in the not so distant future where controlling other people via a SIMS like reality known as SOCIETY is all the craze. People volunteer to be used for money and do basically anything they are controlled to do through some form of nano-technology that is put in their brain. On the battlefront you have what is known as a SLAYER. It is a spin off of Society where the Running Man meets Counter Strike and death row inmates are controlled by people in a real life death match. It’s simple; live and move onto the next round. If your inmate survives 30 rounds he is set free. The movie is really non stop action. I mean something is always going on here.

Kable, played by Gerard Butler, is a family man on death row whose wife (Amber Valletta) is a SOCIETY whore in a custody battle for her daughter. All the while Kable is stuck in prison being controlled by a 15 year old kid who’s his only hope of survival. This movie is action from start to finish offering loads of gunplay, hand-to-hand combat, comical tid bits and drunken tirades of disaster. The movie offers great visual effects and environments as you are taken through three different real life perspectives in this made up future.

The one thing that bothered me about this movie was the SOCIETY aspect of it when the filmmakers tried to put peoples fetishes on display, by having obese slobs control beautiful woman in order to live vicariously through them.  Having a woman urinate into a pantry dish on a seventy-foot screen is not attractive in any way, shape, or form. Oh ya and Ludacris…..he’s not an actor and well ive seen him play tons of rolls and he isnt anyone of them. He’s an international hacker guy….really? Ugh…ya stick to your thug cameos of Law and Order….i just cant see him play something he isnt… not to say he is a thug but i believe that over a hacker or any other roll he’s given where is isnt a rapper.

GAMER is a sci-fi thriller with an extremely well known cast from Michael C. Hall to Ludacris and Kyra Sedgwick, Terry Crews, John Leguizamo and a cameo from Heroes’ Milo Ventimiglia. This movie won’t disappoint a video game player or someone just looking for a two hour action sequence.

so ya id say see this.

-reviewed by

Albert

So Tarantino brings us this fictional universe set in WWII Nazi-occupied France in 1941/1944. I was really excited to see a Tarantinio WWII movie as I expected it to be racists and brutal but it was not. But i’ll tell you what it was…it was funny and entertaining.

Ok so Brad Pitt plays a field soldier from Tennessee who takes 8 Jewish American soldiers and 2 other enlisted recruits to brutally kill Nazi soldiers so that they can put the fear of God into them. They kill all but one and have him spread the word….

The movie has a double storyline. Brad Pitt is one and the other follows a girl whose family was killed by the Nazi’s and ends up owning a movie theatre that a Nazi war hero attends….all in all its time to kill some Nazi’s

Now the opening scene was great. I think its actually one of the best dialogue scenes Ive seen. Its up there with ‘There will be blood” but it was long as hell….like 20 some minutes…after that the movie jumps to 1944 and Pitt was in the movie for what seemed like 30 mins. Its a 2:36min movie and at least an hour was taken up by the opening scene and a real long scene in a basement bar…… Ya the movie follows this girl and her theatre more than it does Pitt and his guys.

Ultimately it needed a little less dialogue and a lot more Nazi killing. I expected it to be brutal but it really wasnt. I wanted to see some graphic kills but nothing too crazy happened….

ALSO!!! The trailers lie!! The scene where the dude is running down the hallway with the chain gun….NOT IN THE MOVIE!! or was it? I dont remember bc i was too busy staring at the lower thirds and reading. But im pretty sure it wasnt in there….maybe in a flash back?

I hate when trailers lie. But anyway. The story was good, the dialogue was cool EXCEPT for the fact that about 90% of the movie is sub titled. I think its cool that they kept it real with people speaking their native language and not pretending everyone speaks English. But ya be ready to read for 2hrs when you go see this. That takes away from the scenes a bit. Hands down to the actors bc some had to know or memorize lines in 3+ languages. You get German, French, Italian, English…and I think thats it in this movie.

What little action scenes there was were fun to watch and all in all I would say go see this movie. Then buy it on Blu-Ray.

reviewed by

-Albert

Alright so I was going to see this movie last friday when I saw D-9 but the girlfriend didnt want to and started going all crazy as to how we already saw a movie that day and she didnt want to see another….. so i tok her to see it yesterday!

Ok so I saw this movie over at the Burbank 16 which is the AMC NEXT to the mall and NOT NOT NOT the one AT the mall. FREE PARKING EVERYWHERE!!! It was a nice theatre and they had TWO count em TWO sizes of ICEE’s!! That got me excited bc ive never been to a theatre that had a small and large size ICEE. Its always that one small size for $4.75. Not here though. I bought the LARGE one which is 2.5x’s the size of the small one for $4.75!! Lol. Have you ever noticed that when you buy an ICEE you are asked, “What flavor would you like?” and you then say, “(insert color name here)!!”…..LOL! Colors arnt flavors ppl…but its ok I get all excited and yell “BLUE!! GIVE ME BLUE!”

Alright so the movie…Its stars Jeremy Piven as a mercenary for hire in the used car world. He travels across the country weekend after weekend selling a shit load of cars for dealerships that are in trouble and thats what lands him in Temecula CA…..now for those of you who have ever been to Temecula….well you know its like Fresno…or Bakersfeild….and for those of you who have never been to any of these cities its bc they are small, ugly, remote, and just full of nothing except maybe cattle.

OK so in watching this movie you will know and remember just about everyone in this movie as it seems that every comedy movie is not recycling every actor again and again. And I’ll just say it up front. The movie sucked. Thank God I had free passes to this thing. I laughed maybe twice and it wasnt LOL it was just a chuckle…The movie tried really hard for a laugh and was just silly at times. The movie had potential and I say this bc I use to be a used car salesman and the thigs Ive seen…well they would of made a better movie than this one…funnier too.

Will Farrell is the new Sam Jackson as he cameo’s in this movie and just about every other one this year.

I think th eonly good movie Piven has ever done is Smokin Aces…if you havnt seen it then you’re missing out on life.

DJ DREAM…if you read this review…watch the movie….just bc there is a DJ in the movie thats a strip Club DJ thats exactly like you…His name is DJ Request but he doenst play anyones request bc he doenst want to be controlled….. lol…..”PLAY SOME BON JOVI!!”

So I will say “Stay away not today Disco Lady” to this movie…dont even watch it on dvd….if you happen to see it on cable in 3 years ok maybe…just dont pay to see it…

reviewed by

-Albert

Peter Jackson presents Disctrict 9. That means he produced it not directed it people.

Ok so District 9 takes place in modern day South Africa and its all about some aliens that land on earth in 1982. Fast Forward 28 years later and we get thrown into a MNU (Multi National United) conspiracy. MNU is a private defense company that is after the alien technology. The problem is that, like in Judge Dredd, the guns only work with the corrrect DNA. In this case :alien DNA. We follow an MNU agent that is in charge of the new movement situation. The south africans are getting pist that the aliens are living amongst them and after pressuring the government , MNU is set to relocate them into District 10 which is 200 km outside of  Johannesburg.

The movie is shot mainly handheld like a field news crew and the other part is shot like a documentary that recaps the live situations. The CG is GREAT like OMG GREAT. I say this bc all of the aliens were in CG and just about every wide shot has the mother ship in the background floating over the city. I tip my hat to the CG artists bc the movie was shaky and thats what made the CG so great. It was all motion blured so it wasnt so crisp and clear that it looked fake. The alien weapons were CG too as they blew the shit out of everything and the entire second half of the movie is one long ass action sequence.

I’ll admit that the first half was kinda boring as it was just the MNU agent going hut to hut trying to evict the aliens to move them to D-10 but once the shit hit the fan it was all action from there. The movie has some jokes here and there and is rather cruel and bloody with the treatment of the aliens by the south african gangs and the other humans but it was really just an apartide.

Now the bad was that there was no launch to this movie. Its not explained as to why these guys are here in the first place. Its explained that they land here but not why and that just bothered me. Or maybe they did say why and I missed it….anyone???

So in the sake of SCi Fi and how bad ass the CG is and how the success of this movie intales the launch of the HALO movie i say GO WATCH THIS NOW. Plus its very political in its obviously subtle ways. (Oxymoron…i know….)…..(also its not stupid like “The Happening”)

So go see this and THEN go buy it on blu-ray….best Sci Fi movie since ……Blade Runner???

Reviewed by

-Albert

Well we got back to back chick flicks as I went to see Julie and Julia today!

I figured bc the girlfriend wanted to see it and I may not of liked it id spend less money and see the matinee……bad idea. The theatre was crowded as hell! I was like, “oh no one will be at a 2pm show on a friday.” But everyone and their grandmothers were there….literally. Apparently the target audience, woman and senior citzens, filled the place at 2pm bc they would be a sleep by 8:30pm.

So Julie and Julia….based on two true stories…and two books!

So the movie stars Amy Adams and Maryl Streep where Adams plays Julie, a post 9/11 New Yorker who works in an insurance company for 9/11 people. Streep plays Julia in post WWII Paris.

The movie has two time lines as the two stories are told 60 years a part. Streep goes over an 8 yr span of trying to get her first book published and Adams goes for a 1 year quest to cook everything in Julia Child’s book. Through the year she will blog and hope someone hears her.

This movie is not a comedy or a documentary or a romance and its not really dramatic… ok ill say its a semi comedy reenactment hows that?

The movie was fun and entertaining as I think Streep did a great impersonation of Julia Child’s but what sucked was the ending bc i felt there was no real closure. Its like the movie was one giant episode and now a movie.

Adams looked hot again but it took me a while to get use to her tom boy look. Id still do her though.

Oh and ewwww French people put pounds of butter on everything….but the food did look AWESOME!

I need to go to a french place. Who wants to go with me?

Bon appetit

wait for the Blu Ray on this one.

reviewed  by

-Albert

Alright so the girlfriend dragged me to yet another chick flick….or did she!

Going into it it looks like a chick flick bc it is a romantic comedy. Its not very romantic but it was funny. I realized it was Rated R and the gloves came off! It was great bc they went all the way with the jokes.

Now the plot!

Ok so Katherine “im an ungrateful bitch” Heigl plays a news producer in Sacramento while Gerard “I bang more chicks half my age than most porn stars” Butler plays a dude that talks in the most perfect way about woman on his cable access show. One thing leads to another and Butler gets a small segment on Heigl’s morning news show that takes Sacramento by storm. At the same time they become friends as he coaches her on how to be slutty and pick up on her doctor neighbor.

Because it is a romantic comedy you see it that Butler want Heigl and so on and whatever. But I think this movie was very funny. i was more than i expected. Granted the only nudity was a male ass but it was funny and Butler really hits the nail on the head with his female comentary. Take notes lady.

Is say go watch it but make sure you go with a chick bc you dont want ppl thinking the wrong thing about you.

I dont know ive noticed that my reviews are getting smaller…… i guess movies these days arnt just that interesting or I cant really say too much with out giving away the already predictable plot… hmmmm

reviewed by

-Albert

OK so today I was out in Hwood and got to see this movie about 2 weeks before its out. Its out July 31. It was directed by Judd Apatow who wrote/produced or directed “Knocked up/40 year old virgin/Pineapple express” and a bunch of other movies that we have all seen over that last 3 years.

So in this film Adam Sandler plays a comedian who gets some form of lukemia and runs into Seth Rogen and who plays a new up and coming comedian and hires him to be his joke writer/personal assistant. If you see the trailers for this you know everyone who is in it bc everyone in every movie that Apatow is asscoiated with has the exact same cast.

This brings me to my first complaint. Everyone of these guys/girls are in all the same movies together and they all play the same damn characters!! Its not like a Kevin Smith movie where all the characters are the same bc all his movies are kinda like sequals of each other, these Apatow movies are all independant and all the characters are the same people. Thats annoying. Another thing that sucked was that this movie, like all the other Apatow movies, was long as fuck! This shit ran 2:40!!

Ill admit that the movie was kinda funny and it did have its moments but it got slow and boring…then a laugh…then slow…the a laugh…then boring…then a laugh…then a life lesson. If this movie didnt have so much damn character background and was an hour shorter i would say to go see it.

The thing is that too much and at the same time nothing is going on. It just gets old where every joke is a penis joke and we’ve all seen this movie if we’ve seen his other ones.

Id say save your money.

watch it on cable

-Albert

Ok so Bullock and Reynolds team up for this romantic comedy…i guess you can call it that. It wasnt to romantic or comedic. But its about a big time New York book plushing editor played by Bullock who is a big cunt and is hated by everyone especially her assistant Reynolds. Worse comes to worse and bc she’s Candaien aye she is getting deported bc her visa expires and she tries to fake a wedding with Reynolds to stay in the country.  So they go visit his family in US canada (Alaska) and thats when it starts.

Ok so the movie runs about two hours. Its a little less and I want to say it was funny but haha funny and not LOL funny. There is some cg that looks bad but in a good way. A comical bad way. It envolves a baby husky. I dont know what else to say. I mean it wasnt that funny and it wasnt romantic. It was a disney movie so I though that the nude scene with the two was a little inappropriate but whatever. You dont see anything its just super implied.

So Im going to say to wait on this for TV or DVD

Public Enemies

Ok so this one puts together two of the biggest movie stars of the moment. I say that bc they have been the leads in several of the last big movies. They are finally together and Bale FINALLY drops the stupid Batman accent he also had in Salvation.

Alright so the movie takes place in 1933 and John Dillinger played by Depp is a paroled thief who decides to go big time with his friends and start taking out banks. At the same time Hoover, before he was president, creates a task force to take out the crime bosses in Chicago and around the country by putting Bale on the hunt.

The entire movie is back and forth and cat and mouse. The fight scenes were pretty lame bc they were all done from a far distance and the bank robberies werent even cool. The shoot outs were basically lets show some shots of a guy with a tommy gun shooting it then lets show someone else and now lets go back to that first guy and now back to the second and then a third and back to the first.The sound for the dialogue and effects were bad and even worse was the camera movement. Think blair witch. Then bc most of the movie takes place at night its grainy as shit. There are some similiar events from the actual life of these guys but a lot is changed for the hollywoodness of it all. Michael Mann really dropped the ball on this one. I usually like his movies but man did this movie suck. I almost fell asleep at a 2pm show. It was just slow paced too and it was just bad. Ill say it was the worse movie ive seen in 2009. Oh and the love interest wasnt even good looking. Bc this movie sucked and its a historical event and we all know whats happens im going to kill the ending with this story.

So im leaving the theatre and i see an old old old man and im wondering if he was like, “I remember all this shit” so i leave and as im trying to validate my parking some old old woman says, “Through out the entire movie i was just waiting for him to go to the movie theatre…i remember him getting killed there.” mind you this was in 1935-36 so this woman must have been at least 80+ Oh and thats another thing i didnt like, there was no time line in the movie.

Ya stay away not today disco lady.

reviewed by

Albert

ALSO!!!

We are in the LA 48hr film fest next week so stay tuned for that and check us out on Thursday July 16 in Hwood for the screening.

From Director Michael Bay comes the Transformers sequel and this time its longer!

lol

Ok well the movie runs about 2:40 and in my opinion it doesnt seem like it. Theres no stupid Return of the King fade to black every so often 2+hrs in to trick you into thinking its over to only have it go on another hour.

Fallen takes place two years after the first one ended and in that time Prime and other Autobots have teamed up with the U.S Military secret force to go around the world and take out any left over Decepticons. At this point Sam has banged Fox several times and we all missed it. Im sure a sex tape will come out on the net some time soon….

Well Sam is off to college and finds a piece of the Allspark in his sweater and well once he touches it it puts all sorts of crazy info into his head and he goes crazy on and off.

At this time the Decepticons find Megatron, bring him back to life and thats when the shit happens.

The movie is action packed and brings more to the transformers story line. The fights also look better bc unlike part one the fights are done from a wider angle so you’re not so close up on all the damn moving parts the machines have not allowing you to tell what the hell was going on. Megan Fox looks smoking hot seeing that her tattoos are covered up and ya she’s hot.

There were some stupid things bc they went for a bit too many cheap laughs and the twins were black. lol if you see it you’ll see what i mean.

The cg looked great and the editing was just fine. The world shots looked cool as this movie takes you around the globe.

all in all i liked it and i say you should watch it. go stimulate the economy.

-reviewed by

Albert

Bop 15 is in the 48hr film fest again this year. Help us out. We screen Thursday at 930pm out in Hwood. More info to come.