Archive for the ‘Films’ Category

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The Bank Job

Sunday, March 9th, 2008

THE BANK JOB

well the people on the other side of the pond bring us this “based on actual events” film about a group of friends who get hired to rob a bank. this is one of the 6 degrees of separation movies where everyone is some how tied to one another in some way.

The movie takes place in 1971 and immediately opens with a soft 3-some scene out in the beach/hotel room. We fast forward to 1971 and Micheal X (not Malcolm) along with other london criminals are getting to the politicians and well they are getting to each other as well but MX has dirt on the royal family and well it just so happens that he has that dirt in a safety deposit box in a bank vault and Jason Statham and Co must break in and rob the place but have no idea any of this is going on.

theres a lot of tits in the movie and well not much action i think theres only one fight scene the entire movie and though it moves at a good pace i just didnt get excited at all. I paid for my seat and used all of it. It wasnt boring just not exciting. its like mieh. not good not bad. the story is based of off true events and im sure it was much more exciting in person. this just didnt come off as a bank robbery movie like a heist film. its more like a movie like “oh man i need to help you pay off a mob debt, lets go rob some shit” kinda like “Gone in 60 seconds” kinda of a deal. i dont know it didnt do me any good to see it.

ill “stay away not today disco lady”

rent it or wait for the cable version.

reviewed by

-albert

ALSO!!!!!

ok so Vol.5 is almost done and will most likely premier SATURDAY MAY 3rd @ THE CAR LESS DRIVE IN at LA MISSION COLLEGE in SYLMAR CA 91342. 6-9pm and its FREEEEEEEE so go check it out!

just shot some more today and well im cutting away at this thing and we need to get it done to show all of you guys this thing thats been a work in progress since i started writing the script for it on my plane ride to and from cancun in Feb of 2007!!!

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Semi-Pro……King of Kong Fist Full of Quarters …… Rendition

Sunday, March 2nd, 2008

Well this is my first review in about a month. Freakn school and work have me from 6am-10pm Mon-Fri and Im still chipping away at my latest film project Vol.5. That and every time I get free time the GF refuses to see what i want.

but ok

SEMI PRO

This is the new sports Will Farrell movie where he plays Jackie Moon and singer who buys the Flint Michigan Tropics which is an ABA team. It was a basketball league that merged with the NBA in the late 70’s. Anyway this movie scared me a bit bc im always 50/50 with Will Farrell.  Ron Burgundy sucked and so did Blades of Glory but Talladega Nights was awesome. I mean i cant see him as a leading man. Him as the main character isnt always a good thing. Now him as a supporting character (Night at the Roxbury, Old School, and whatever cameos he does) is pure money. But ya the movie

This one failed. It wasnt too funny. I laughed twice. And even then not to hard. It was more of a chuckle than an LOL. I mean i really dont know what to say, it wasnt too funny. But the story was good and it wasnt too long or too short. But what he was missing was a side kick. He had no supporting actor to carry his jokes, instead he had the basketball team to help and well Woody Harrelson wasnt here to be funny like you have expected. I dont know just wait for this one to hit cable.

then i saw some Dvd’s and well i think you should know about them.

KING OF KONG

I originally wanted to see King of Kong when it was out in Theatres but the GF didnt want to and really there was only one theatre within 50 miles of me playing it in downtown Santa Monica. But man am i glad i saw it.

This is a documentary about a Seattle Science teacher who really has come in second place in everything in his life and one day he decides he will break the world record for most points in a the OG Donkey Kong game. So one day Steve (the teacher) beats Billy’s (current record holder and poster boy of arcade games) record and films it and sends it to TWIN GALAXIES, they are the official score keepers of such things but since Steve was contacted by some guy who hates billy they disqualified his score and well Steve then goes out to prove he is the best by beating the record in person. Through out the entire documentary Billy is a douchebag who refuses to talk/meet/play steve. But man s this thing funny. its amazing to see how these grown men act. Not bc they play games but bc they all act like they are in jr high with their secrets and alliances towards each other. its a great movie. after seeing it my GF ate her words and thought it was fantastic. you find yourself rooting for the steve the whole time. Its basically steve v.s the world in this movie.

i would go rent this now. its great you’ll like it.

RENDITION

This was another movie i wanted to see in theatres and im glad i didnt. Its 2 hours long when it should only be 10 mins long. Its about an Egyptian US National that gets captured by the CIA on suspicion of helping terrorists. The reason i say it should only be ten mins long is bc ten mins into it everything gets solved. he gets captured then they (US GOV) find no ties of any kind to him withing the CIA/INTERPOL/Egyptian GOV/or anything but Meryl Streeps character who is a high ranking politician says she wants to keep him and get info from him. So the movie goes in a full circle for no reason and it really does go full circle bc you later find out most of the movie was played backwards via flashback. But ya id pass on this. I mean yes i get what its saying “The US gov just grabs ppl and tortures them for no reason” but c’mon the movie wasnt good and i mean it wasnt boring or slow, it was just predictable bc you know what the intentions of every character are as you meet them through out the movie. Broke Back Jake J is in the movie too and i have to say he did a good job in this one, but bc the story was weak and the overall movie was too id say Stay Away Not Today Disco Lady to this movie.

so save your time on this rental and go get KING OF KONG. Even if you hate video games you’ll love the real life story this 90min documentary displays.

ok well till next time party people

thanks for reading

reviewed by

-albert

OH!

ya we just shot this weekend. Check out the pictures on the website for a look at what we shot.

thanks

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The Eye

Sunday, February 3rd, 2008

The Eye

Ok well i went to the movies this weekend at Universal and you know what happened!? Tickets went up again!

I paid freakn $25 for two tickets, 20 after i used my parking pass to give me $5 off, so really i paid $10 for parking and 25 for tickets, but idk man, thats lame, tickets are going up and up and for $12 a ticket i might as well spend the extra 2 at the archlight and not put up with assholes who dont shut up.

OK so the movie!

It stars a hot and not yet pregnant Jessica Alba who is blind and a great violinists. Alba actually learned how to play the violin for 6 months for this movie.

Like no surprise, the eye is a Japanese remake brought to america to make a few bucks, i dont think it will score well at the box office, but im sure dvd sales will be good.

So we start off with a blind Alba getting cornea transplants and soon enough she starts seeing crap. Her doctors tell her its all normal, its just her body reacting to a new sense. She plays 20 year old whose been blind since she was 5. Alba’s gift is that she sees death before it happens. Soon enough things get really bad and she ends up in burned down places and her apartments torments her and well like all japanese horror movies she must save a troubled soul to save her own.  Big thing here is that it has nothing to do with kids, i mean theres a kid ghost once but kids dont play a major role in this flick.

So overall imma say i liked it. it was kinda scary but not really but its an ok film. id say see it on dvd.

then this was brought to my attention:

Jessica Alba has man hands! She does! it was scary. theres a scene where she touches her DR’s face and her massives man hand with sausage fingers is like BAM! all over the screen, rather disgusting. But id still hit it. But not now bc she’s pregnant but soon she’ll be a MILF. And ill just put paper bags over her hands or just make her wear gloves.

-albert

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CLOVERFIELD

Friday, January 18th, 2008

Cloverfield

ok well i started hating on this movie when i heard it was a JJ Abrams movie bc i hate LOST. I hate how you go into an episode with a bunch a questions and leave it with even more. well you know what ?? Thats how this movie is. Then you wanna know how long it is? Its 84 mins!!!!! 84 mins!!!!!! including titles and credits!!!!! So basically the movie itself is about 65 mins. I know i complain about movies being too long but man this was waaay short. and dont stay after the credits nothing happens. I bet its that short bc they wanted to be “realistic” with the whole, “Its shot on a min dv camera” bc mini dv tapes on SP mode last only 65 mins.
well the story is about a guy who gets a job at a soda company in Japan as a vice president of some kind and is leaving New York. For some stupid reason his brother’s girlfriend throws him a surprise party and then the movie starts. Why the hell would she do that? Why not somone important? anyway. about 1/3 of the movie is the party. 1/3 is them running in New York and the last 1/3 is titles and credits. wheres the monster you ask? well its in about 2 mins of the movie. No lie no exxaggeration. Its on screen for maybe 2 or 3 minutes the entire movie. i mean you get to see what it is, and really when you see it you say, “what the fuck is that?” bc it doesnt look like anything you’d seen. also the movie is rated PG-13 so you dont see any kills! you hear them and ppl talk about them but you see nothing!

ok the the entire movie was shot in handy cam so it was shaky as fuck, think Blair Witch x’s atleast 2. My hat goes of the speciall effects guys bc doing cg with shit footage is hard. but ya you leave asking yourself, “what the fuck was the hype about…and what/where/why/when…monster? army????” NOTHING GETS EXPLAINED!

But one things is for sure….Monsters just hate New York….everyone hates New York, the monsters, aliens, terrorists, ppl from New Jersey, and this week everyone in Green Bay. It seems that whenever Hollywood gets a chance to destroy New York they go on and take it.

also, even though its handy cam shot lookin and ppl arnt always in focus in the shot properly when talking you know what is? PRODUCTS! this movie has like a million product placement ads, from Sophora to Sponge Bobe to Juoicy Fruit, man it was a giant commercial.

also when the monster starts to destroy buildings the first time, pay attention to what buildings fall bc later in the movie they are in a electronic store watching TV and LIVE feed is showing the exact same buildings falling.

so i mean if you have an hour to kill go see it, if not wait for the dvd and dont rent or buy it, borrow it.

so imma say “Stay away not today disco lady” to this one.

the first “big” movie of 08′ is a big flop. i mean i wasnt expecting much but miehi wasted my money on this.

-albert

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There will be Blood

Tuesday, January 8th, 2008

THERE WILL BE BLOOD

Based upon a novel, OIL!, by the prolific writer Upton Sinclair, THERE WILL BE BLOOD kicks it old school. My friend Armando described it as “CITIZEN KANE but better,” and while I agree that it is a piece of cinematic artistry, unlike CITIZEN KANE, THERE WILL BE BLOOD holds no punches as it delivers an epic tale of ugly humanity or lack there of.

It is such a beautifully filthy marathon of a film. The jarring music clashes with the forlorn scenery to create an atmosphere of unrest and untold dangers, masked under the soil as well as the face of Daniel Day-Lewis’s character, Daniel Plainview.

THERE WILL BE BLOOD revolves around the life and times of Daniel Plainview, a souless anti-social oil tycoon who is brought to a desert town in California to drill an ocean of oil. His effect on the surrounding towns people and land brings about interesting circumstances, to say the least.

I must wonder what sort of madness inspires that fuel with which Daniel Day-Lewis sets the silver screen a blaze. The mastery with which he lives in front of the camera is nothing short of captivating. While his supporting cast was superb (kudos to Paul Dano, he definitely held his own) they are dwarfed by DDL’s presence.

My issues with the film are minimal. It’s long. Very long. At 2 hours and 38 minutes, it might be best not to invite the kids or those with A.D.D. If you are expecting something action packed and quickly paced, this movie will not be for you. While far from dull, TWBB requires quite a bit of patience and attention. However, A film of this calibre deserves that much.

If you really take your movies seriously and enjoy being led on a cinematic journey for extended lengths of time, I would most definitely recommend THERE WILL BE BLOOD. You will not be disappointed.

This film is black gold.

Review by,

Uno The Sexy Man Beast

From Albert

This is a LIMITED ENGAGEMENT. See it while you can. It wont get wide release (from what ive heard) and is currently only playing at The Archlight Cinemas in Hollywood and the new one in Sherman Oaks located in the Sherman Oaks Galleria where the old (i think it was an AMC) theatre was. TWBB recently started playing in Sherman Oaks.

And as some of you may know, the Sherman Oaks Archlight is new and not at the same time. Its in the Galleria where the old theatre was. The plus is that you dont pay for parking and that the most you pay for a ticket here is $11.50 and not $14 like at Archlight Hollywood. The bad…well its an Archlight. You pay $3-5 more than anywhere else, showings are few and far in between. They have arranged seating and teh concession stands are not normal!

well thats just me.

i gotta see this film. im not one for long films but ppl say its good and Daniel Day Lewis just won best actor at some award show i saw while channel surfer earlier today. so it must be good.

thanks to Richard for the movie review.

-albert

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ONE MISSED CALL

Sunday, January 6th, 2008

One Missed Call

Alrighty well i went to the movies at Universal this weekend and i think im getting a little paranoid and impatient about the people in the theatre. Its like ive been taking steriods for years and the side effects only kick in while im watching a movie. Im just waiting for someone to talk or to be stupid to get mad at them. Its just that it happens so often its shocking when it doenst happen and at a movie like this i expected it to happen but oddly enough it didnt.

So have you ever seen those commercials that end with “Where you at?” Im sure you have i say that alot and well the movie revolves around Boost Mobile Phones!!! the “Where you at?” is simply a question to find out where you are so that they can  kill you!!

Ok so the movie. Yep you guessed it, its a Japanese remake! We all know what that means, abusive parents and creepy little kids. The movie is about a phone call you get with a ring tone that aint yours and it goes to your voicemail and the voice mail is basically you dieing. It even gives you the time and date of your death. For most people it gave them a two day notice. I on the other hand have yet to receive  a missed call. The thing about it is that if you die, it calls  the next person from your contacts list. so  if you  are friends with someone that has Boost mobile have them delete your number!

all kidding aside, the movie sucked. It was not scary and i want to say that i half jumped twice adding up to just a single jump in a 90 minute horror movie. It wasnt even horror, its a japanese remake so it was more mystery/suspense bc every japansese horror movie has a soon to be victim that needs to find a troubled soul to save their own. Not scary and the CG was horrible, like worst that Matrix Reloaded where Neo Fights Mr. Smith after he meets with the Oracle. Thats how horrible it was. I think theres a scene about 1/3 into the credits i heard something happen as i left my seat all disappointed. Not to disappointed bc i wasnt expecting much, but you know what i mean.

ya so stay away not today disco lady. Dont even rent this one.

what a shitty way to kick off the new year at the movies, but from what ive seen/heard 2008 is gona be promising.

thanks

-reviewed by

albert

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JUNO

Tuesday, January 1st, 2008

Juno

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!

well richard saw this last week and said he’d review it but never did and so when we went shooting Vol.5 out in Hollywood on Sunday we ended up going to Universal after the shoot and watching the movie. Richard saw it again!

ok well the movie is about a 16 yr old girl who gets bored one day, acts like a whore, and well gets pregnant. She then decides to give the baby up for adoption when its born and well the movie follows her around for 9 months and really i cant find anything else about the plot bc nothing happens.

the movie was trying to be funny but serious. but it wasnt either. it wasnt funny enough to make it a comedy or serious enough to say it was a drama. i dont know. i didnt hate it, i just didnt like it. it almost condoned 16 yr olds getting pregnant. The dialogue was annoying tho. Everyone that ive talked to that has seen it (whether they liked it or not) agreed that the dialogue sucked bc it wasnt believable bc no one talks like that. Juno (the character) is “smart and quick” but not in believable matter. its like watching Gilmore Girls. Idk it was weird. The song was catchy tho. Not the lyrics but the tune. We all left the theatre humming it.

so id say to wait for this on dvd. dont let the Spears pregnancy and that she went to the movie premier with her mom influence you on seeing this movie bc thats what its doing to my co-worker Brian. I was gonna tell him about it, but he went all crazy saying he didnt want to know anything bc “its the biggest word of mouth movie of the year” and that he wanted to see it. Really it didnt gain momentum or get a wide release until baby Spears got knocked up.

so ya id hold off on this for a free show or rental or something.

reviewd by

-albert

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The Orphanage (2007/2008 US RELEASE)

Friday, December 28th, 2007

The Orphanage

The movie premiered out in LA today but hits theatres nation wide on Jan 11 2008. If you want to see it now, its playing at the Archlight in Sherman Oaks and in Hollywood as well as AMC Burbank and LandMark Theatre in LA. NOT THE LANDMARK but simply LandMark Theatre. Dont get it confused with THE LANDMARK theatre that is in Westwood by the UCLA campus where we had the 48 hr film festival this year.

ok so the film. its being said its this years Pan’s Labyrinth and its not, not at all. they are too completely different styles of movies and works of film. Guillermo Del Torro produced this movie and thats it. He did not shoot it like he did Pan’s and so the camera work isnt as great nor is it full of fantasy and cool weird stuff. but ya Del Torro being envolved are teh only two things this might have in common.

well its about a woman and her husband who decides to buy and move into the house where she grew up in as an orphan. so the house was once an orphanage…tada! She wants to adopt more children (she has one) and start her own orphanage for children with diseases. Well thats when crazy shit starts to happen. Her son see’s ghost! and the movie kicks off.

the trailers lead you to believe that its a horror movie and its not. no murders here. its more suspense/mystery than anything. granted it made me jump about two or three times but thats it. no gore or any major violence either. its not one of these new age american “horrors” that Eli Roth brings us now a days.

Its also in spanish if you didnt know. i dont know when or where the movie takes place but the main actress was annoying at times bc she had a Spanish accent (From Spain) and the semi lisp thing was a times annoying.

but it showed a good story of a maternal love for a child that you raise but isnt really yours.

overall id say to wait for the dvd on this one. im sure you can find it on netflix or some mom and pop video store bc this movie has been out for a few months now, but its definitely not worth your $9+ or in my case bc i saw it at teh Archlight $14 + $2 for VALIDATED parking and then the hassle of dealing with assholes who cant drive and then driving all the fuck way out there but idk id wait, not worth your money.

reviewed by

-albert

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Alien v.s Predator Requiem……AVP-R or simply Part 2

Wednesday, December 26th, 2007

Well Happy Holidays everyone, i hope you guys spent it with friends and loved ones and are all still perfectly ok.

I saw AVP-R after work today and i only saw it bc i saw the first one and both predator movies and just two alien movies. So i felt obligated to see this one.

AVP-R starts off where part one left off. The Predators leave and as they get on their ship one of the dead predators had an Alien baby in it that turns it into a Super Alien, like a Predator Alien. It takes out all the predators on the ship and then it crash lands in Colorado somewhere. As the last Predator is dying he sends an S.O.S to the home world of the Predators and One…just ONE predator comes to earth in a matter of minutes to kick some ass.

Now i wasnt too impress with it bc the action wasnt all to great bc it all took place at night and like Transformers, the fight scenes were close up and dark so it was hard to tell what the hell was happening. Also i was disappointed with the kills, not many of them were shown. They would just cut away to blood squirts or to the next scene. It followed the guide lines of a horror movie too, i thought that was weird bc the slut dies, so does the black guy, the bully, the sheriff, it takes place in a forest like town that is way away from anything and well you get the picture.

Overall it thought it moved slow for a 90 min movie and well i dont recommend you see this in theatres, save your $9+ and eat a decent meal or buy some ga. wait for the dvd or watch it at someone else’s expense or something but dont waste your own money on this one.

ALSO!!!!!!
Back in 2004 i worked on a Short called Batman:Dead End and it was the number one non pornographic download on the net according to Maxim Magazine. So ya check it out. It was shot by my friend Vince Toto. But ya check it out its a cool scene with Predator and Aliens and Batman.

Link to Batman:Dead End____ http://vincetotodp.com/batmandeadend.htm

thanks

-albert

p.s

sorry its not a clickable link but i havnt figured out how to do that with WordPress yet so if anyone can help id appreciate it.

thanks again

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SWEENEY TODD

Thursday, December 20th, 2007

Sweeny Todd

Ah so yes Sweeny Todd. I was invited to a pre premier day of Sweeney Todd at the grove and i had to say that i was gona watch the movie anyway. i say this bc those of you who know me and read my reviews know that im not a very big Johnny or Burton or Elfman or a fan of i guess any actor or person who had anything to do with this movie.

why? idk why i just dont like their work. but i was gona see this regardless bc i saw trailers and thought the cinematography was great as well as the visual effects, and you know what? They were.

The story is nothing new, its about a man who has a hot wife and another man (one in power) wants her so he gets rid of the husband. 15 years Later Todd returns for vengeance!!

Im not fond of musicals either but this movie was very entertaining running about 2 hours. it was clever and well paced but if you pay close attention to the subtle things (i will not say no more than that) the movie becomes extremely predictable. The imagery and irony in this movie are well taken and really my only 2 complaints are that the songs often ran too long and that the editing wasnt the sharpest (continuity errors). but the music was great and the acting was better, not necessarily the singing from some characters, but the acting was great. shots were great and the visuals were even better.

id say to definitely watch this in theatres its BIG FISH meets KILL BILL. Its a wonderland of blood really. Graphic kills and singing make interesting.

so yes see this

ALSO!!!!!

WE HAVE SWEENEY TODD POSTCARDS TO GIVE TO YOU GUYS AS OUR CHRISTMAS CARDS!!! THEY WERE GIVEN TO US AT THE SHOW. THEY ARE TOTALLY FREE AND WE WILL SHIP THEM AS SOON AS WE GET YOUR ADDRESS. SO HERE’S WHAT YOU DO. LOGIN TO THE SITE. (NOT THE THE MYSPACE!!!!!!) LOG IN TO THE FILM REVIEW PAGE, LEAVE A COMMENT WITH YOUR ADDRESS, NO NEED FOR FULL OR REAL NAMES AND WE WILL SEND SWEENEY TODD CHRISTMAS POST CARDS TO I THINK THE FIRST 25 PEOPLE OR SO.

SO LOG IN TO THE FILM REVIEW PART OF THE SITE AND LEAVE A COMMENT AND ITS ALL YOURS.

(NOT THE MYSPACE!!!!!!)

-REVIEWED BY

ALBERT

P.S

HAPPY HOLIDAYS PARTY PEOPLE. BE SAFE. DONT LET DRUNK PEOPLE DRIVE.

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